all the little tears
by daughter-of-october
Summary: [Characters: Ultear Milkovich] # Summary: History always finds ways to repeat itself. # Deities AU


**_all the little tears_**

**Characters**: Ultear Milkovich

**Summary**: History always finds ways to repeat itself.

* * *

The Goddess of Time's life had begun in a rather unconventional way.

She had literally been born from her mother's loneliness, from her mother's tears. At first, Ultear – which was the goddess' name – had not understood why she only had a mother and not a father as well. Everyone else had both parents, well, her mother not because Urania had been born directly from the chaos as Goddess of Ice and Winter. Some might say that the both might have bonded over the lack of a normal family, that Urania would have been able to understand her daughter's feeling of having no real roots, no real place in the world.

But this could only have happened if Urania had been there which had never been the case because the Ruler of Eternal Winter had been politely asked not to stay in the Garden, in the Garden she had helped to create, because wherever she was, there was nothing but ice and snow – and the Garden was supposed to be a place of warmth, gold and sunshine.

Ultear had grown up in the Garden under the gentle tutelage of the Master and even though she was a child of the ice, a child of the empty wastelands that made up her mother's private garden, she longed for the sunlight of the garden and the warmth only a mother could give. Yet her mother was nearly there. Her mother was always in her own realm, the realm where the polar storm howled at night and kept one awake.

So Ultear's own tears fell, each of them burdened with despair and disappointed hopes.

One fell as she left her mother's garden which was no real garden at all because all the flowers were sharp and deadly roses made of ice because she knew that she would never ever be happy there and that she had to leave her mother and force Urania into a new age of loneliness. One ran down her chin as the ice around her mother gained an own consciousness and her younger brother – if she could call him that – Lyon was born. Her heart cried another one when Lyon left her mother's realm as well because while he was born from the ice, he did not share her mother's fate and even he felt cold when the night fell over the frozen lands.

The tears left tiny scars on her heart, scars that ran deep and hurt whenever she saw something that reminded her of her mother – which happened often because the people of the Garden did not forget about their hero, the one who had frozen the fires and had made the Island of Gods a beautiful place – the scars bleed again.

One tear fell when her second brother came to be, a stoic and cold young man named Gray, who left her mother as well because he longed for the Garden's sunshine. **_Traitor_**. He and Lyon were _traitors, _they had both betrayed her mother and her as well. Ultear would have sold her soul for the chance to stay with her mother but she was no child of the ice. She was a child of loneliness and had been tasked to control time, not ice.

And the chance to sell her soul came, after many millennia she had spent assisting the Goddess of Fortune – which was just a fancier and shorter title for the Goddess of Fate and Future – because their abilities complimented each other so nicely Cana.

One of the Fallen, a god who had been truly banished from the Garden and was not allowed to return in his lifetime which meant in his eternity had the courage to approach her when she walked the Realm of Humans for a change. He asked for a favour, asked her to leave a gate open so that he and his followers could return into the Garden and take it over once for all. She declined, saying that their banishment had had a damn good reason and that the Master's will was absolute anyway.

Then the white-haired man told him that he would permit her mother to stay in the Garden for as long as she desired, that he had the power to keep the damage caused by Urania's very presence at bay and that Urania would no longer have to be lonely and sad all the time.

Ultear knew that she was making a mistake but she had founded her own happiness in the Garden on her mother's unhappiness and she had to make up for it. And so, as she returned into the Garden, she left a gate open.

And all hell broke lose.

She had never been a fighter, this was something for other people, and so she watched. It was the second great fight in their homeland in the same millennia, in their realm because only a few centuries ago, the God of Thunder and Lightning had staged the so-called Dusk of Gods which had led to his temporary banishment from his homeland, from the place where he had been born. Back then, she had joined the battlefield, had fought as well. Now, after her betrayal, she did not feel like she had the right to grab her weapons and fight.

She only watched.

She watched how Cana, the aforementioned Goddess, the one who had to know already who had let the Fallen into the Garden, left her small temple where she usually read the future like an open book and watched over more worlds than Ultear could imagine. The brunette had donned her crimson coat and her battle garb, her face fierce and angry.

But she went after the attackers, not after the traitor in their own rows.

Ultear wondered why, then she remembered.

Cana had been a half-goddess for a human lifespan time as she had been the result of a probably forbidden affair between the God of Destruction who had been banned from the Garden at the same time Ultear's mother had been asked to stay away and a mortal woman. Cana was a fighter, a protector of all the realms she watched over – but she remembered loneliness, despair and the feeling of being an outcast from the time when she had lived among mortals. Ultear knew that her friend would not betray her and this broke her heart. Cana would get in trouble as soon as this would be over, some would say that the Goddess of Fortune should have seen this coming.

"I am sorry," the Time Goddess whispered, her eyes full of sadness and unshed tears.

She watched how more and more gates were opened as those who did not regularly stayed in the common Garden returned into their homeland to defend it. She saw Ivan, God of Trickery, Disguises and a lot more, before he became invisible. He was one of her mother's oldest friends, she knew this. When she had first come to live in the Garden instead of Urania's realm, he had shown her around and introduced her to everyone. He had been friendly and between the lines, she had read that he missed his old friends. She also saw Erza, one of the twin deities of war and protection, as the redhead left her gate, her sword already drawn. She had never been friends with the woman but she never disliked her either because whatever she did was first for everyone else and then for her own benefit.

She witnessed with a sigh how her younger brothers joined the battle, held her breath when Lyon unleashed his fury when his closest friend was cut down mercilessly because she knew that her silver-haired brother would not stand for this, that he would avenge the Goddess of Love and Beauty and so on. Gray was less flashy in his battle, only roared in rage when his special friend Juvia was seemingly injured by an arrow the water goddess took for the younger ice god. Ultear rolled her eyes. Juvia could not be injured by an arrow though the dark-haired woman was pretty sure that the younger woman would surely not mind being cradled by Gray.

And then, with the arrival, of the God of Thunder – who was always fashionably late – it was all over and Ultear stood in front of the remains of her life, of her plan to make her mother regain her old position – because it had been all for Urania, all for the woman who had been robbed of the proper reward for her hard work.

She fell to her knees as tears streamed down her face.

Pointless. It had been all pointless. She had betrayed the Garden, her loyalties and the trust of everyone for naught. She wished the ground would grow apart and swallow her, that it would drag her right into the middle of hell where she could burn for her sins, her faults – her betrayal.

"Ultear."

Her judgement was early. She saw the feet of the Master in front of her and looked up. Makarov's face was bruised and a bleeding gash covered his face but he was healthy, would recover soon.

"Yes," she said, wondering whether she had just confirmed that she had heard him or that she had betrayed them all or both or neither.

"Your mother will be sad to hear about today," he went on and she realised that the Gate of the Realm of Eternal Winter was still closed, still gleaming in a faint blue light which upset her for some reason because she was about to be banished and even now, her mother was far away.

"I am sorry," she whispered, lowering her gaze. "I … I just wanted…"

"…to see your mother in the place where she belongs to," the old man said as he sat down. "You see, I can understand this decision. Urania … she has done things most of us, me included, could never do. She froze hot magma permanently yet not to the core so that it is still warm here and things can grow. She bore three children from her sadness and yet, she never rebelled. Her most interesting trait is her humbleness, she does not need the flashy things, the gigantic temple," he added. "She may not be happy all alone but she is content with what she has, the appreciation she gets for what she does. I didn't like the fact that I had to throw my most favourite eldest out of the Garden, a Garden that belongs more to her than to me."

"My mother … will never forgive me for this," she said slowly, eyes nervously roaming over the Garden where some were already beginning the rebuild while others were still under the tender care of Makarov's wife Porlyusica who had a mean temper.

"Ur forgave me for making stupid bets on her and others," he said as he reached out and patted her shoulder. "You will not be banished if that's what you are worried about. Temptation is especially strong on those who miss someone dearly yet you will be punished. If I could, I would ask her to return yet … it is simply not possible. You have seen her Garden. Ours would look just the same if she were to return permanently."

Her fist hit the ground and a tremble shook the Garden. "My mother deserves the sun," she said as teardrops stained the grund. "She deserves the light and the happiness – if not for being kind, then as some sort of reward for all the things she has done for the Garden, for all of us."

He nodded slowly. "I should have seen this coming," he said slowly. "After Lyon's outburst a century ago, I should have realised that you love your mother too much to agree with the arrangement – and that's your right. I can understand that you are mad, that your sense of justice cannot accept this … because yes, it is wrong."

"What will be my punishment?" she asked quietly, wondering what in all worlds had possessed her to do this, to add this burden onto her mother's shoulders. She thought of Urania in her sunless realm where only three moons shone above her. But she also knew why she had not tried to reason with the Master beforehand. It was because deep down, she had known that no matter what would happen, her mother would not return because Urania was mature enough to accept the fate she had met even though she might not exactly like it.

But loneliness was a powerful foe, one that made even the most loyal reconsider their choices. Ultear wondered why she was now, right after betraying the Garden and her mother, reassured that her loyalties were aligned correctly and that she had to protect the Garden again.

On the hill were her temple stood, autumn reigned most of the year. She had spoken with those in charge of the weather and the seasons inside the enormous realm a hundred times but they could not fix anything if they did not know what was broken.

"Your punishment," he said slowly before he took up walking and she followed him. "I believe you agree with me when I say that banishment would be an unfitting punishment for you, Ultear. Also, you have no homeland away from this Garden or your own. To send you away would make your mother very sad and Urania…"

He never finished this sentence because Urania was a miracle that could not be expressed in mere words. The Ice Goddess had embraced the emptiness and the loneliness, had never denied it to uphold her sanity. She had been left many, many times. Her children, her friends, simply everyone. They all loved her but they could not embrace ice and neither could they hold her. She had searched for ways to make them stay and to an extend, she had been successful because Lyon had stayed with her far longer than anyone else.

"So?" Ultear asked, stopping and standing still for a moment as she overlooked the Garden. She spotted the Goddess of Love again who seemed to be still injured as she clung to Lyon. Sherry's pink hair was always so bright, so vibrant and it rather complimented the bubbly woman who – for some reason Ultear had never quite understood – usually hung out with Lyon. Ultear had never imagined herself to be calm while her punishment would be considered but then, she had never expected to become a traitor either.

"You are strong in many ways," Makarov said quietly. "And yet, you break too easily. But … you are too important, the only one…" he stopped himself for saying more because his worries were his alone and he did not mean to burden anyway. "You are lonely, aren't you?" he asked instead but it was less an actual question than a truth he expressed.

She lowered her head as the breeze toyed with her hair. "Yes," she said and the weight on her chest seemed to be lifted. She felt freed as she admitted that her fault – and all deities had one – was also the reason of her birth. The admittance hurt less than she thought it might. She remembered Gray's bitter face when he had realised what his fatal flaw was. She still saw Lyon's defeated facial expression when he had seen that he was doomed to fall as well. To her, it felt different. It was no end, it lacked any air of … finality. It was just another start.

She looked up to the burning skies and somewhere in the distance, she believed to see her mother's face and for the first time in all the years Ultear had done things that sometimes had upset her mother, Urania was crying but her tears were happy tears for a change.

Makarov smiled kindly at her. "You are not the only one who is lonely," he said. "Meredy is lonely as well … and I have asked Sherry whether she could … release Meredy from her current duties. From now on, the little one will be your ward."


End file.
